


First Impressions

by LillithEvans



Series: Take One [1]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-03-28 04:31:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithEvans/pseuds/LillithEvans
Summary: Kang Dongho doesn't understand him.Frankly, for most of the show - Lee Daehwi has been a rude junior. The kid purposefully ignores him and belittles his abilities to the other trainees behind his back.Not that it matters - Dongho doesn't really care about him, the competition or any of the mess that he's been forced into to salvage his failing career.So, he doesn't understand why Daehwi is suddenly starting to smile at him like he has secrets he's hiding, he doesn't understand why he's found himself enamored with the way Daehwi's voice melts with his and worst of all -He can't seem to stop the pushy kid from breaking through the walls he's so painstakingly built up around his heart.





	1. Ground Zero

**Author's Note:**

> I SHOULD BE WRITING INTERNSHIP OR LI - and I am I swear guys I am - 
> 
> but bc LI is getting a bit taxing to write right now - I thought I'd indulge in Baek's POV for LI and finally publish FI
> 
> SO WELCOME TO FIIIIIIIIIII ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Has anyone ever told you - you look like an axe murderer?" Minhyun smiles at Dongho and what a disgustingly beautiful smile it is - sure to make any man or woman in a five kilometer radius want to throw themselves out of a window or at his feet - 

If they hadn't heard the shit coming out of his ridiculous best friend's mouth. "Hey - has anyone ever told you to go fuck the fuck off?"  

"You! Every darn day." Minhyun comes up behind him but Dongho's gaze remains fixed on his own reflection in the mirror in front of him. No matter how much he's trying to keep the edges of the flip back on his head carefully manufactured - edges of it are starting to poke out, angry at him for even trying to tame the wildness that is innately always present in his hair.

"And yet you're here - not fucking the fuck off."

"You don't really scare me." Overall, Minhyun’s not wrong (he usually isn’t wrong about anything, it's quite annoying). Dongho does have someone he wants to hurt with an axe - himself. "Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not nervous?" When their eyes catch in the mirror, Dongho knows his pathetic attempt at covering up his feelings is instantly thwarted because he wears his heart on his sleeve and Minhyun's the type of sadistic bastard who would do excellently on a body language detective show. 

"Hey Dongho - has anyone ever told you how handsome you look when you look like a killer?"

Ass.

Despite how utterly fake it sounds, Dongho hates that his mouth has stretched into a smile of its own as he grabs his pillow from his bed and throws it at Minhyun's perfect self. "Hwang Minhyun, just get out of my room and leave me alone already. You’re the one who didn’t want to room with me and you spend all your fucking time in here like I'm some sort of AirBnB steal -“

“Your room is flithy bro - but it also is basically a mini producing studio so -” The pillow hits Minhyun’s face effectively ceasing argument from the boy  as it slides down his frame revealing that his skinny little lips have stretched thin and long with an unhealthy amount of happiness as giggles escape from his mouth again.

“Idiots.”

Dongho feels his heart twinge when he turns to look at the door. "Hyung -"

Aron's standing there, hands folded across his chest with the type of fondness on his face that makes Dongho feel guilty. "I'm going to miss this." 

At least, Dongho's not the one staying home alone. Today – he should be happy. He should be thankful –

He should not be throwing up in his mouth at the idea of walking into a room filled to the brim with the hateful gazes of strangers that he gives literally two shits about.

His emotional reaction to Aron's presence is not quite mimicked in Minhyun's dry words. "Don't miss us too much, you big drama queen. There's breaks in the middle and we'll even commute some days." 

"Hi - my name is Minhyun. I've suddenly decided to take over the bitchiest roommate position in the house from Minki-" Aron's eyebrows twitch.

This makes Dongho feel halfway thankful because it validates that he's not just being overly touchy because he's walking in blind to an execution. No, today Dongho is nauseatingly thankful and Minhyun, beautiful-stupid-Minhyun, is being more irritating than usual. 

 "HEY ASSWIPES. JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT IN THE ROOM YOU CAN’T TALK BEHIND MY BACK YOU KNOW – I HEAR EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE – HOW DARE YOU TRY AND TALK SHIT ABOUT ME - YOU SHOULD ALL BE THANKFUL I EVEN CARE ABOUT YOU ALL STILL - " 

After the third strongly worded statement, Minki's rant looses some effectiveness. Aron's voice drops several octaves as he snickers. "Okay, so maybe no one can ever contend for Minki's title but seriously what's up Min? You're acting strange."

"Manager told me to step up the coldness because apparently I'm hot shit and don't act like it enough so no one can tell." Minhyun stands up and immediately starts moving his bum around much to the unimpressed faces in the room.

“I know that I’m going to regret asking-“

“You will,” Dongho grins at Aron, his heart relaxing.

Aron throws an arm over his shoulders as they watch Minhyun dance for them. "What are you doing?"

"Well, this is what got me into Produce101." Minhyun turns around winking at Aron. "National Producer-nim, will you vote for me?"

"For that ass - no I will not be voting. It needs to be way more toned -"

Minhyun pouts as Aron crackles like a firework, letting out sputters of laughter that dampen the storm building in his heart. "Min, the manager told you to go cold - not become an aegyo expert.”  

"Honestly - the best one out of all of us at aegyo is Dongho anyways." Dongho immediately turns to glower at Minhyun before Aron looks at him with an agreeing nod on his face. "You know it's true." 

"It's actually not me - it's Jonghyun - "

"Yeah but Jonghyun only does aegyo for food - and you're just so bad at it, it's good -"

"I'm not going to be able to pretend I'm okay to just walk out there and start doing 'Gwi-yomi’.”

"You should- would totally earn you votes. Your smile is like super eye catching." Dongho groans as he puts his face into his hands. Aron’s trying for him, Minhyun’s trying for him - they’re all trying so hard to have hope for them.

But Dongho?

He’s sick of trying. If it was up to him - he’d have let the pain of their reality swallow him up and destroy him long ago-

But then they’re here beside him asking him to try.  

And if it’s beside them- Dongho thinks maybe he can even bother but that doesn’t change the way he feels.

There's no point - not for him. He's going on so that they stand out more. He's going on with no expectations. He's going on, sacrificing his dignity and self respect, to  _ **maybe**  _see one of his friends shine instead of him.

And he fucking hates it. "Don't you think people will be bored of us?" All expressions of mirth disappear from their faces as they’re reminded of why exactly things have turned out this way in the first place -

It’s either go on this show or leave each other forever. 

None of them want that.

Hell, Aron isn’t coming now and already to him this feels like the world has set them up for a practiced failure because their harmony is built for five - not four. 

Well, okay, he doesn’t just  _ **feel**_  that way - the world is pretty much against them.

Sure - the news articles have stayed 'unbiased' (6 year old idol group to launch in Produce101 - Nu'est's chance at redemption?)

The comments on those articles have not.

Everyone's eyes are on them - waiting for them to stumble, trip and land in a pile of shit so they can return to where they came from. 

If Dongho’s being honest, he hates the thought of it too. He doesn’t want this either. It’s not really fair in any way to the other trainees on the show to have to compete against the four of them - all of them want this. All of them need this.

Still, if desperation between the trainees could be measured he’s sure that there would be no one on the show as desperate to survive as them. "Dongho come with me a second." Jonghyun calls from the doorway, Ren haggardly in tow. 

The three others turn to look at each other fearfully as Dongho tenses his jaw and nods carefully. Their relationship has always been a stressed one because the logical leadership of Kim Jonghyun and creative passionate genius of Kang Dongho very rarely leaves common ground for the people who champion those characteristics in their group.

Aron has the charm of manipulation which ties him to Jonghyun, Ren has always been overly admiring of Jonghyun as his best friend and Minhyun’s obedient to a fault like he's looking for praise on some sort of report card - but Dongho? 

Dongho is always lost in himself and hard to bring back to reality. 

Dongho is Jonghyun’s problem child.

And he’s never been more aware of it than he is today, following the leader to their absurdly quiet living room. "What's up?"

"I don't want you saying things like that once we're there." He's not surprised to hear that. "It's going to be hard enough to stay away from each other - if you're going to dishearten us-"

"I just don't want to get our hopes up-”

"And I don't want you to be evil edited into an asshole. So please, for yourself, stop speaking like you have no filter on your mouth." Jonghyun cuts him off. "Just promise me - you'll shut up and listen to me for the next four months."

Jonghyun's being fair - he's not asking for heaven or earth or the hell they live in. Still, Dongho's quiet because he's not sure he can promise something he's never been able to successfully do. That also sounds like he's being set up for failure. "Are we going to make it to the end?"

Jonghyun smirks, leaning over to pinch his cheeks which Dongho does not appreciate at all. "Hey gangster-dol, don't you trust me?”  

Dongho frowns. What kind of question is that? "You know that I do. Would I be here, otherwise?" 

"Good, just do that." Dongho has always been in awe of Jonghyun. His ability to take responsibility. His quiet diligence. His undeniable presence and charm when he cares enough to turn it on for someone.

Kim Jonghyun is just someone who you have to be in love with at the end of the day. So Dongho can imagine someone like him standing a top of 101 trainees- standing above the rest of them - because he deserves it. He makes sure each and every one of them feels cared and nurtured for. That’s just the type of guy he is. 

Dongho hopes it does happen for Jonghyun more than anyone else in Nu’est because there's no one else he'd rather imagine there.  

But it’s not a likely reality. Jonghyun is selfless - willing to carve out pieces of his past, present and future as gifts for others to own.

So even though the position makes perfect sense for him, Dongho knows it’s a guarantee that even on Produce101 Jonghyun will let himself fall on the knives of the other people there as he always has.

Kim Jonghyun is someone he loves but Dongho has never been able to protect him.

He could never protect him from their CEO who blamed Jonghyun and he probably wouldn’t be able to protect him in Produce101 either. 

Because the person Jonghyun needs protecting from - happens to be Jonghyun himself.

"It's time to go." Minhyun enters the room and looks at Jonghyun who nods back at him understandingly. 

Collectively, their best chance is Minhyun anyways - he's more strategic, more guarded, more careful, and this whole mess is his idea. 

It takes a surprisingly short amount of time to say goodbye to Aron. Minki's embrace lasts the longest - seemingly never-ending as Aron laughs and moves them side to side until Jonghyun tugs on the sleeve of Minki's suit.

Personally, Dongho hates that they're in suits but he can't necessarily complain. When he'd asked their stylist why she'd picked this out, he'd been told sharply that Nu'est is a professional boy group and that they should act in accordance with that image. 

He didn’t really disagree after that, though he’d much rather show up in some sort of stylish sweats combo.

Minki would probably die in that outfit. Perhaps things are better this way.

"Sit beside me later, okay?" Jonghyun’s whisper catches his ears. Dongho jolts to look around him as the car comes to a stop. 

Dongho nods quickly, he can't even think of anything other than how much he'd rather be in bed right now. Or making music.

Making music that no one will listen to. 

How funny is that? “What are you laughing at?” Minhyun remarks, one eyebrow in the air.

“Nothing.” So, they leave the car after being fretted on for the last time by their manager. They sign in, bow their heads gratefully like practiced little tin soldiers and finally - they walk in through the stage entrance, name tags pressed on clearly.

Minhyun confidently rolls in first.

Minki follows him, just as confident but perhaps a little more friendly in appearance.

Jonghyun pulls his sleeve tightly when Dongho moves a bit slower than he should have.

Minhyun turns to look and laugh at him. This only makes Dongho more uncomfortable as he gazes around the room at the cold gazes being offered to them, or worse - as kids purposefully avoid looking at them at all.

He hadn't even realized he was looking for a friendly face until his eyes latch onto Kim Samuel  like he's a life jacket in an ocean. Samuel is the only one who offers him a small tight lipped smile. Dongho gives him a small nod.

The last time he saw Samuel he was throwing him out of a window- "Samuel's here." Jonghyun whispers softly.

"Last time I saw him he was being thrown out of a window." Minhyun snickers. "He might still be scared of us-" 

"Well, Dongho did make a habit of dragging him across floors - but he looks cuter than before." Ren gives Samuel an overly bright smile as they make their way upwards. 

"Seungcheol told me that he's a really good dancer now- definite A rank potential." Minhyun points to where there's four seats and the four of them continue bowing their heads though in greeting or apology even Dongho couldn't tell you. 

The moment he's on his seat - Dongho quickly turns around. Sadistically - he wants to see up close if anyone is willing to hold out a hand of friendship but he's sorely disappointed. The faces almost immediately turn away from his - no one wants to meet his gaze. He feels his chest tighten, eyes back to focusing on the ground because the sham of marble they're using as floor is friendlier than the people around them.  "No one wants to look at us."

"I wouldn't either - you make everyone feel scared for their life." Minhyun remarks.

Dongho tries to laugh, he really does, but it doesn't work.

Even Minki turns to look at him piteously. "Can you please relax? Do you think you're going to be able to perform like this?"

"Dongho will be fine. You all mind your own business-" Jonghyun interjects as he looks directly at Minhyun. "You need to stop smiling so much - and you," He looks at Minki holding his hand carefully. "Smile more." 

Everyone else has clear direction - "What should I do?" 

"Try not to blow up." Minhyun's laughing at his own words which makes Jonghyun look at him with a warning in his eyes."Don't look at me like that - you and I both know that's the best advice to give him."

"Minhyun I'm serious - act like you were told to please."

"Make me." Minhyun teases him as Jonghyun turns away almost purposefully punishing Minhyun by not engaging with him. "He's no fun lately."

Minki snickers as he waves brightly at a model trainee from YG K+ who has just walked in. "Okay let's be honest - when has Jonghyun ever been 'fun'?"

"Also true- we're definitely the fun ones - " Minhyun agrees easily, taking Aron’s place in Minki’s duo of trouble. 

Since his friends are busy being strange, Dongho looks back up around him, his eyes catching on a group of four behind them. They're dressed a lot more casually, just one row away. Their faces look hopeful, their styling reminiscent of the delinquent fashion that he'd looked at proudly in the year 2012.

His eyes scan the group - there's a boy with brown hair smiling, a sulky red head accompanied by another sulky red head and when his eyes finally land on the grey mop to the side Dongho almost chokes.

The littlest of that lot is staring right at him.

For a few seconds, neither of them look away but then as if realizing that not looking away is a bad idea- the baby of the bunch jumps in his seat, quickly averting his gaze to the floor, cheeks puffing out like some sort of weird Blowfish defense mechanism.

Dongho immediately frowns, he doesn't really try to call it out but he does lean back a little - almost pressuring the kid to look back up because  _ **come on -**_ they can't be that scary. "I'm scaring kids now."

"Only now hyung?" Samuel's voice is distinctively deep and Dongho frowns. He understands that Samuel has a valid reason to say this but right now he's unable to appreciate this particular joke.  "You've always scared me." He wants to whack Samuel over the head but there's cameras here and he probably shouldn't do that unless he wants Jonghyun to kick his ass later.

Plus, you know there's the fact that sure - Samuel is the closest thing they have to a friend here - but they also haven't actually spent any time with him since the kid moved to Brave. "Don't mind him - Dongho's constipated today."  

Dongho groans reaching over to lightly push Minki's shoulder. "If you must know -"

"Hi,” A new much deeper voice announces it's presence beside Minhyun.

They all turn to look at the tall, pale, sickly looking kid with very pretty eyes who had pretty much just come to awkwardly stare at them. "Hyung, hi." Pretty kid nods towards Minki who blinks at him with a smile on his face.

"Wow - there's this sort of person here too." Minhyun looks towards Dongho as he grins to himself, brain already whirring away with some sort of Machiavelli plan.

"Well, you can't be the prettiest guy every where we go-“

"I thought Minki was the prettiest guy we knew." 

Dongho snickers as Minki looks offended that someone would laugh at that claim. "Yeah - but after walking in on him that one time -"

"GUYS." Jonghyun stresses quietly. "Cameras please."

"We really should listen." He curls his lips into his mouth. The more polite they get the more quiet they get. The more quiet they get - the more nervous Dongho feels himself becoming.

His mechanism for coping with stressful situations is to joke around, laugh and make a mess of it. But Jonghyun is right - Nu'est is not here to make a joke of themselves.

So instead, Minki clears the air by raising a hand to the pretty boy in front of all of them. "Everyone - this is Kwon Hyunbin. He's kind of a decent person - so please - try not to be yourselves and embarrass me too much."

"YG K+?" Jonghyun offers up as the younger man looks at him in awe. 

"Wow, how'd you know hyung?" Something about Kwon Hyunbin's behaviour is refreshingly innocent despite the maturity present in his model features. 

"You guys are dark horses to watch out for -" Jonghyun reveals as Minhyun looks upon Hyunbin, an overwhelming amount of kindness in his eyes. 

"Yo - how good does he look beside me?" Honestly, why Minhyun is asking him this question, Dongho doesn't really know. 

"You guys look fine I guess-"

"Okay - friendship with Dongho ended. Kwon Hyunbin is best friend now." Minhyun reaches for Hyunbin's hand jolting the other boy out of his lanky frozen frame.

Jonghyun groans as he breaks the bond with a comical sort of karate chop. "Dear god, Minhyun this is not the time for Indian People Facebook memes-"

"How are you guys?" Samuel asks more seriously as he takes in the relatively quiet room around them. "It's - very quiet around here except for the MMO jeans troupe up on top." His voice drops to a whisper. "I could feel the daggers on my back." Dongho feels especially relieved when Samuel lays a hand on his shoulders. "You need to stop looking so serious hyung, I think you're making everyone else more nervous."

"Me?" 

"Well - you are our -" Jonghyun looks at Minhyun just as he was about to mumble the words 'axe murderer' again. "Strong visual?"

"Dongho hyung definitely looks scary." Hyunbin agrees as Dongho tries to stretch his mouth out into a smile. "What is that?"

"A smile."

"That's just scarier." Dongho takes it all back - he doesn't like Kwon Hyunbin at all.

The room fills up. Samuel and Hyunbin wander away. The four of them are left together as the final trainee takes his seat.

"Ready?"  Jonghyun reaches for Dongho's hand and Minki's.

Minki clutches Minhyun's tightly as they nod together. 

The stages fly by quickly. There's a bunch of loud trainees in the back who perform decently, one kid cries and Dongho wonders idly if he's going to just end up in tears on stage like he had in his audition video.

That would be traumatic.

There's a few stand outs though and he sees Minhyun lean forward ever so slightly when a popper with the confidence to be an 'A' performs. 

When his performance ends, Minhyun turns to look at Jonghyun who simply waves a hand towards Minhyun.

You never questioned Hwang Minhyun's advice and Kim Jonghyun's orders. Somehow, Dongho thinks that the popper in front of them will probably have to learn this lesson.  

When Samuel performs a smile floats onto his face. Samuel's so much taller now, and seeing his dongsaeng move so fluidly on the stage puts a small bubble of envy in his mind. Samuel, despite his own struggles with debuting, is someone Dongho wants to be right now. Samuel is young, fresh, unique, and he has the skill to back him up as a solid all rounder. 

Dongho claps loudly for the young trainee as he breathes gasps of air into his mic. Dongho can practically hear the smile in BoA's voice as she announces him an A. 

More time passes, Dongho feels the nervous edge he's feeling grow larger and stronger till it feels like it'll envelope him. There's fewer As coming out this season than in Kyulkyung's season. They've definitely raised the bar and he has a strong feeling that he's not going to be able to pull himself up over that.

"I can hear you doubting yourself from over here Baekho-ssi." Minhyun is all encouragement like an annoying mother hen. "Remember - "

"Right - face. I remember." His answering mumble is monotonous.

They're finally told to go prepare for their own stage. He glances around the room, looking for reassurance but it doesn't come -

At least not until he lands on that set of four in the back. The little grey haired boy is still peering straight at him, eyes flat with a look so distasteful it makes his stomach churn inside of him. Regardless, Dongho bows his head in as much of a friendly manner as he can. 

Apparently - even if they're looking right at each other - little kid doesn't appear to register that because at his gesture of acknowledgement- kid has jumped up in the air again. 

This isn't fair, it isn't like Dongho has asked for this kid to look at him like this - tensed, nervous, fidgety.

Is this some sort of sick strategy to get him to mess up?

He walks backstage, lump thickening in his throat - how is he supposed to sing beyond that thing? He can barely breathe properly. He's staring blankly at the cameras around them when Jonghyun comes up behind him, hands placed on his shoulders. "You'll be fine."

Sure he will be...once he's eliminated. 

When they step onto the stage everything gets infinitely worse. They’d been warned that Kahi would be here - but actually seeing her? Sitting in front of them with that look of pity in her eyes? That’s something they hadn’t thought to prepare for

Because it’s the first time Dongho’s really seen her look at them with the full force of an apologetic gaze. 

She starts to cry and turn away from them and that's when he knows he can't do this - he can't pretend that he's okay being here. He can't pretend like the rest of them because pretending has never been his specialty.

As Dongho looks at Kahi now, he's reminded of how she'd come over to scold him for slacking off in dance class - throwing him to UEE who'd visit now and again when she didn't have promos. He'd always promised her he'd do better in vocal classes till she'd hit his shoulder lightly and ask him to just go be a singer. 

"What do I do?" Kahi frowns, shaking her head. The more he sees water touch Kahi's eyes, the more his insides twist. 

He risks a look at Jonghyun. He's struggling. The smile on his leader's face remains but it's the first time that Dongho has seen it truly waver like this today. He looks like he's about to break down. 

Jonghyun coughs but it's really a mask for a choked sound that even Dongho's surprised by. 

They start their performance - it's an excuse of a show. They move alright and in co-ordination. Minhyun hits his notes. Dongho tries his best to follow but like so much in his life - his voice lets him down.

He's fucked up. 

With their newly assigned at best average grades, they all walk away more disheartened than they were when they walked in.

And it's because of him. He's done this to them. He's let them down. Already. "There's always the re-ranking." Jonghyun mutters bitterly as Minki turns to look at him. "What?"

"Don't - talk like that. It's not that bad." Minki quiets when Jonghyun looks at him pointedly. It most decidedly is that bad. After all - they had come in here in suits with promises of professionalism and delivered what would have been a decent performance at a high school talent show - "Well on the plus side, at least we know one thing."

"What's that?" Jonghyun slaps the letter D on his body a little too roughly, the sound making both Minki and Dongho flinch.

Minhyun reaches for Jonghyun's hand, fingers twisting inwards to his so that he can stop hurting himself. "We learned that I'm really the best looking one out of all of you. C-level visual what what - even BoA couldn't take her eyes off me and she's a practically married woman-" 

"Is it me - or has he gotten a little more unmanageable than he was before?" Jonghyun snickers into Minki's ears. Minki laughs, Minhyun laughs, Jonghyun even laughs. Dongho cannot laugh. The only thing that he's capable of right now is a half hearted self repeating sigh. "God - Dongho - please stop beating yourself up about it - it's fine."

"It's not fine. I let you all down. I let myself down. I let Aron down."

Minki shrugs his shoulders in what Dongho thinks is supposed to be some form of ineffective reassurance. "Hey - Aron's probably having a great time at home watching some very tasteful material in the privacy of his now massive apartment in Seoul. He's fine."

"It's weird how Minki knows him so well, right?" Jonghyun snickers when Minki hits his shoulders. "What you're the one who we all-"

"I hate living with you all. I will be so happy - when I finally get some space and legit hero worship like I deserve." When Minki marches off both Jonghyun and Minhyun turn to look at each other before snickering to themselves on some inside joke that Dongho cannot relate to.

How could they feel like this when all Dongho felt like was a complete and utter failure? 

It's then that he sees the four boys take their place backstage just as Jonghyun and Minhyun are leaving him.

The group of four aren't going up to perform yet but they are getting set up with better mics and equipment. The oldest sulky red head bows his head with a strange but friendly smile, Dongho's first of the day.

"Sunbae," He doesn't say anything else - Dongho doesn't blame him. What else can he say? It's not like he can have good things to say about their performance. It was shit. Pure shit. "It's nice to meet you. My name is Im Youngmin - we're from Brand New Music. This is Park Woojin, that's Donghyun and the last one is our youngest, Daehwi."  He quickly pulls the other three towards him and makes them all bow.

One is sullen, one is bright and one is curiously looking at his feet avoiding greeting him. Daehwi's learned. He can't make the same mistake he'd already made twice before. "It's nice to meet you all. Brand New is a very strong company but I never knew they produced idols - composers - sure -"

"Ah - Daehwi and Donghyun write and produce mostly. Woojin and I rap." Youngmin speaks on their behalf as Dongho feels his lips twirl in a smile. That's true - nowadays all future idols were taught to produce music and Brand New with their flagship set of producers wouldn't be any different.

The littlest must have finally found his balls because suddenly he's looking straight at Dongho, fear completely absent from his determined gaze, like he's set out to fight him. "You're on a lot of demo tapes." 

"I am." He responds brusquely. Bumzu hooked him up with jobs for the most part - it's the least he can do to help support their upkeep and minimize their debts. The majority of the payback mostly came from Aron's gigs as an English speaker anyways but the rest of them did what they could to contribute in their own way. 

His lacklustre response appears to have irritated the grey top maknae. "You sound much better on there than you do live. Do you get auto tuned normally?” Donghyun, or was it Woojin, kicks grey top promptly in the shins earning a look of contempt from the youngest as he glared at the kid with the tooth poking out of his mouth.

"Daehwi means to say - it's just nerves. Happens to all of us." Youngmin laughs nervously as he glances at Daehwi with an almost threatening gaze. Dongho is absolutely certain that isn't what the angry little boy meant at all, especially considering he's continued to keep his eyes away from Dongho's like he's not interested in trying to explain himself to an old has-been.

Dongho would know that gaze - after all, it's the one Jihoon gives him all the time when they're sitting in Bumzu hyung's office arguing about stupid things like tone, inflection, pitch and what to order for dinner. 

From Jihoon- it's fine. Jihoon is someone he's watched grow up. Jihoon is actually naturally talented at producing music and Dongho's just getting his bearings now - so he listens to Jihoon because Jihoon is the all mighty Woozi who has played a huge role in delivering Seventeen the success they deserve for being such hardworking singers.

Seeing this blatant lack of respect from this kid - it ignites an anger in him that he didn't know he felt until this very moment. 

Daehwi is probably talented.

Daehwi is probably going to blow him out of the competition with a wave of his pinky finger. 

Daehwi probably shits rainbows and unicorns and is every thing a cute little idol is supposed to be but Daehwi is also an arrogant little shit.

He has no clue what it's like out there - right now he's still fighting for his life to debut.

He doesn't know that once you're out there, the chances of you succeeding are close to nil. He doesn't know that fans are fickle. He doesn't know what it's like to move from country to country. He doesn't know what it's like to lose your voice and have to fight every fucking day to get it back to the condition it used to be in.

Daehwi's a privileged little asshole, probably stemming from some overly rich background that supports his hobby to 'sing', and this is what makes Dongho glower at him until the air around them practically flickers with flames.

Daehwi probably doesn't deserve that.

But he's an outlet and an easy one at that. 

So if Daehwi's going to talk to him like that - Dongho's not going to respond. He bows his head towards Youngmin and scoffs as he walks past Daehwi's still uncaring figure.

The farther his steps stray from the curtains that cover the shoddy backstage area, the more defeat sets into his bones. It's sinking, seeping, twisting with the reminder that Daehwi is right.

He doesn't need to be angry at the kid for being honest. He is - but it's not Daehwi's fault, he fucked up. It's not even Daehwi's fault that he's here - no that is his own fault exclusively.

Right now , based on his performance today, he doesn't deserve the chance he's received. 

"That took a while- you missed a performance." Jonghyun mumbles as he takes his seat.

"Great, did this one cry?"

"Why, you jealous? Wanna cry too?” Minhyun snickers, teasing laughter only softening when he realizes that his friend is blinking erratically to fend off what may very well be tears.

"Don't be ridiculous." Dongho lies, scary smile pasted on his face because at least a scary smile is better than a scary sob. "The kids who came from Rhymer sunbae's company wanted to introduce themselves."  

He’s piqued Jonghyun’s interest. "How was the rapper?" 

"They have two. Both the red heads - please try to hide your competitive spirit."

"I blame all the gaming he does." Minki’s pinched in his side for answering a little too honestly.

"I blame the anime. He thinks he's the hero of everyone's dreams." Minhyun's alternative explanation is touted as biblical truth by Minki who nods so emphatically, his head looks like it's going to fly off his neck.

Jonghyun's torn between defending his honor and ignoring them which is probably the right thing to do in this situation. "What did they say, Dongho?" Jonghyun always does the right thing.

"I sound  better on the demos Bumzu sends out because I must be auto tuned." When all three of them muffle laughs, Dongho looks at them with a frown on his face. "It's not funny!"

"But it is funny!" Minhyun cackles. At the sound of his offensive laugh, one of the independent trainees from below turns to look at him before throwing Minhyun a very pointed sort of look with a finger to his lips like he's telling him to shut up. "Did that guy just tell me to shut up?"

No one answers him. Mostly because they're all trying to reiterate that guy's statement. "For what it's worth - I think you were great today." Jonghyun looks at him kindly and despite the fact the praise is undeserved, Dongho finds himself smiling into his hands. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah- you didn't break down. You didn't cry or kill anyone - you really managed to reign in your feelings. Baekho-ya fighting!" Minhyun winks at him and Jonghyun launches into another campaign on how Minhyun needs to maintain the cold dark mysterious image that's been carefully crafted for him. 

The three people he’s called family for too many years continue to argue the merits of the Brand New performance but he can’t quite do that.

Instead, he leans back in his chair - spine slumped, lungs weak, eyes glazed over. It’s the perfect position to observe the birth of a star. 

Daehwi marches over to the right side of the stage, hand over his mic, and then he sings. 

And Daehwi doesn't crack. He doesn't even falter. He simply twists, charms and pretty much convinces the horde of trainees, staff, and mentors in front of him that he's the best thing here. 

He's given an A right away. 

The all too true words of one of the youngest and brightest here had pretty much assured Dongho of everything he'd already known when he'd walked in through those studio doors.

He really didn't belong here.

Produce101 is a dream, especially for kids like Lee Daehwi.

But if Produce101 is meant to be his dream - it's not really working out that way.

Right now, this entire experience feels like his worst nightmare.


	2. Page One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly - guys omg thank you for all your positive and kind feedback <3<3 it really motivated me to keep going on this version - and of course in typical Lilli fashion I went a little hard so while I initially planned this to be roughly 5 chapters - I think it's probably gonna be closer to 10 now....sooo...uh...enjoy??? :D
> 
> also - as always - edited late late late - so typos/grammar errors/human flaws in logic will be fixed in tha morning (things always look worse in the morning - applies to so many things in life no?)

Learning the choreography to 'Nayana' is no small joke and - like idiots - the four of them have agreed to a stupid rule before entering their respective grade groups that Dongho presently regrets. Kim Jonghyun's guidelines are very clear, very easy to follow and leave no room for mischievous interpretation: 

Don’t talk to each other. 

Don’t look at each other.

Don’t even think about each other. 

Which, for Dongho, just reiterates that they’re not really here together. The four of them know each other, and they love each other and they're best friends - but this is a competition and they can both help and hurt one another. 

Everyone here at Produce101 has a job to do, from the staff runner, to Ahn PD – to Dongho himself.

He has to try to make it alone. 

Normally, being alone is something he’d appreciate because their apartment is really too small. Usually, he has to take the car and run away from the apartment to Busan to even get some semblance of peace and quiet or run to his ex-boyfriend's house - both of which are not particularly healthy behaviours.

So initially, Jonghyun's suggestion of taking a break from spending time with each other - didn't actually sound so bad.

Until he realized what it would actually be like. 

The reality is that he sucks at dancing. Always has. Always will. He can pick up the choreography easily enough, but perfecting the nuances that come so easily to Jonghyun is not his forte. He’s slow, he’s lumpy, he moves without precision, timing or accuracy. Without Jonghyun's help, he's not exactly doing spectacular at learning 'Nayana' and now because of this stupid rule -  he doesn't approach him either.

Jonghyun thinks people expect them to band together and defend each other. 

So, of course, when Kahi starts ripping into him on camera - both Minki and Jonghyun stay silent. 

And he kind of hates her for it because this is drama and she has just showed his vulnerability and weakness to the entire nation.

Not only is he a singer whose voice cracks at the slightest hint of pressure. This washed up idol comes two for one! He’s also everyone’s favourite shitty dancer!

Kahi, of all people, knows how slow he is at picking up choreography. She, of all people, understands his demeanor. Or at least - that’s what he’s thought.

After that, he falls into a daze as he realizes that he may just be the worst trainee in the D class. Not only is he slow at learning but his ‘never-an-idol’ frame looks clumsy doing moves that have been made specifically for kids who get to stand on stage in little more than glorified school uniforms. Not for people like him.

Jonghyun practices diligently by himself. He doesn’t really need to. He’s already good at it.

Minki tries his best to shadow Jonghyun’s steps from a distance – as he always does – but Dongho knows that without Jonghyun’s specific one on one direction even Choi Minki is not quite able to wow like he should.

30 minutes into practice, Minki gives up irritated.

As a rule of thumb, Dongho life’s mission is to be bad at following rules whenever he can manage it.

Rules, quite honestly, suck and they have never gotten him anywhere.

And sure - maybe not following rules has gotten him into trouble occasionally - but at least that's somewhere. Somewhere is better than here.

So, when he sees Minki go sit by the wall, he crawls over to sit beside him. He throws a quick glance to the left where Jonghyun is still dancing, oblivious to his surroundings, and realizes that if Jonghyun is irritated by his obvious disregard for these stupid rules - then he's not going to show it here on camera.

If anything, Jonghyun just dances harder, spinning so fast on his feet that Dongho feels a lump form in his throat. He wants to tell him to stop, take a break, and think before he pushes himself into another of his fainting spells –

But the words die on his lips.  At this rate, if Jonghyun can make it up to A class – who is he to stop him? Who is he to ask Jonghyun to question his choices?

He turns his attention to Minki. “Can’t keep up?”

Apparently, this is the wrong thing to say to a fellow unsuccessful idol because Minki is looking at him in a way that reminds him that if cameras weren’t around – he would have had his neck snapped in ten microseconds. “At least, I’m not so bad that Kahi’s yelling at me ON camera.”

He’s just about to respond when a voice speaks up beside them. “She’s scary.” Despite sounding meek, the voice is deep and echoes loudly from an over grown baby whose gums stretch widely looking at them. “You are Nu’est band, right?”

“No - they said that on stage because they thought it’d be funny.” Minki’s joke doesn’t quite land on their audience as intended. The foreign born kid looks at them with furrowed eyebrows as Dongho looks towards his name tag with a little more interest. 

Lai Guanlin. “Chinese?” He offers in as much of a friendly tone as possible.

His casual question earns him an enthusiastic response. “Taiwanese.” The sheer level of pride on his face makes Dongho’s own stretch into a relaxed grin that feels unfamiliar given his circumstances. “I’m going to be a rapper.”

“That’s what they all say.” He looks pointedly towards Minki who rolls his eyes and ignores Dongho’s subtle dig at his initial mission as a Pledis trainee. “You ranked higher than your label mate but for just starting out, the two of you did quite well.” He adds kindly and Guanlin’s stretchy smile becomes brighter and bolder. Something about it leaves him uncomfortable enough to clear his throat and bow his head. “Well – see you two around.”

Minki scoffs and waves him off with a bitter wave of his hand, the light of energy normally present in his eyes has started to dim.

Dongho knows he should be doing something to bring it back but he has a feeling he’s not the person who can do that for him. 

He pulls himself towards the washroom, it feels like a good place for the break that he needs from everything around him. His hair is soaked in sweat, his eyes burn from effort and his heart is lit up in flames of jealousy towards a tiny little kid who also can barely dance just like him.

Fucking great. “Is this the best you can do?” He mumbles offhandedly, approaching the mirror at the far right corner of the communal bathroom in the training studio. It’s stupid to talk to himself but since he’s not allowed to really talk to other members of Nu’est right now – himself is the best chance he has to figure his mind out. 

He pushes his head into the sink, turning on the tap for cold water because being doused in a stream of ice feels better than being doused with his cold hard reality.

 

“You really shouldn’t be washing your hair here.” The words come through his ear canal gurgled with the sound of water. Despite not knowing who is speaking to him, Dongho finds himself smiling because it sounds so much like something Minhyun would say. 

When he pulls his head out from under the stream of water to look up, he's faced with the image of a little boy in a bulky pink sweatshirt whose hands are trying to wash themselves right by his face. 

He’s obviously looked up at him a little too long because Lee Daehwi has decided to pretend to not intentionally splash his face with cold water to knock him out of his daze. “Oh oops! Sorry, hyung. Could you move?”

Dongho ducks his head out from under the sink, rubbing water from his eyes. God, everything about this kid feels practiced and inauthentic right now. “Right, sure.” His lack of apology for using the communal sinks as a makeshift shower causes the tiny germophobe beside him to fume. Still, Lee Daehwi doesn't directly voice his anger. Kahi may not have to give Dongho any special concessions for being a Nu’est member but Daehwi is forced to – he’s older, more experienced, and at least for now – Daehwi can’t afford to make him a real enemy. “Good luck. I heard they might only have the final A group participate in the center evaluation this year.” Dongho proceeds to shake his head a little extra hard as he styles it so that droplets of water land purposefully on Daehwi’s frowning face.

He can be a little immature and splash him too. Right?

“Quality control.” Daehwi slips easily, eyes avoiding his as he runs his hands through the water.

If this was any other situation, Dongho would laugh.

He should laugh. By all measures – Daehwi is entirely correct and actually has made quite a funny observation.

Instead, because he’s a resentful old man full of regrets and skeletons, Dongho scoffs and leaves the washroom. He’s forced to be a mature adult. In this situation, maturity means leaning against the wall and starting his breathing exercises so he doesn't barge right back in there and give Lee Daehwi a piece of his mind.

Maturity is a lesson that’s been forced on him. Maturity is his skyscraper dreams shrunken down into ground up soil.

Does maturity mean he’s not allowed to stand up for himself?

_Get a hold of yourself Kang Dongho._

_What’s wrong with you?_

_You’re letting little kids bully you now?_

“You’re still here?”

Unfortunately, just because he’s mature that doesn’t mean he’s smart. Inevitably, Lee Daehwi was bound to exit from the washroom at some point and it appears that point is now. “What?”

Both of them are stuck looking at each other dumbly because this is not where either of them want to really be but neither can really walk away either. “Were you…waiting?” Daehwi leaves that question off to the end almost like he’s afraid to say ‘ _Were you waiting for me?_ ’ That connotation means Dongho’s been standing here just so he can confront him and the little teenager has the shame to look a little scared of him in light of what he's said in the washroom.

But Dongho would rather be doing a million other things than confronting Daehwi about anything. Daehwi puts him on edge with his all too perceptive insight into this old idol's pathetic existence.  

Dongho doesn’t really know what it is he’s supposed to say to Lee Daehwi in response to that question either. There doesn’t seem to be anything he can say to him because no matter what he says – the outcome is the same – Daehwi’s response will chew him out alive and spit him to the side and he's not sure he can handle that today.

He already feels like rank #101 is too good for him. With any more of Daehwi’s words swimming in his mind – he’ll want to give up and retire on the spot.

His silence, once again, has lasted too long because Daehwi has sighed and folded his arms over his chest like he’s about to chastise a child. “You don’t want to go back?”

“No.” This he can answer easily. This is the wrong response because now Daehwi is looking at him like he’s disgusted with him and that expression alone makes Dongho want to defend himself to the younger boy. “Kahi noona -“ 

He doesn’t even give Dongho a chance to utter out the rest of his excuse. “You get to call her that.” The irritation in Daehwi’s voice dials up as he shakes his head disbelievingly. “The fact you just referred to her as ‘noona’ - that they know you- do you know what that means?”

“Yeah.” An advantage. Once again, Daehwi’s not wrong. Once again, Dongho’s prompted to see this differently – except in some sick way. this time Daehwi has given him the gift of hope.

Kahi’s little outburst at his lack of skill will likely garner the three of them in D some level of screen time.

Daehwi doesn’t respond to him. His hands simply swing at his sides as he walks away from him, shaking his head. Sure, perfect A grade boy may be unnecessarily cruel for someone his age but he’s nothing compared to the people outside who want to see Nu'est fail.

If Dongho can’t even handle being around a bratty 17 year old- 

What can he handle?

He’s more scared of the answer to that question than the question itself.

 

 

 

 

“Hyung-“ 

“Yes Guanlin-“ Guanlin is still learning Korean but thankfully with Dongho's own passable conversational Mandarin and Guanlin’s dedication to speaking the language they’re able to become quick friends.

It’s probably not a good idea- neither of them are very good at dancing so they’re not really helping each other with this friendship but Guanlin has that sort of innocent gummy smile that reminds Dongho of another young boy he’d called his friend once. “What’s your dream?”

That causes him to open his eyes to halt his already failed attempt at falling asleep. “I don’t dream much, Guanlin-ah.”

“Why?”

“Dreams don’t really come true.” He sighs into his pillow. Minki scoffs from beside them. Jonghyun ignores the conversation, just like he ignores everything else. “I think the important question is - why are you asking?”

Guanlin doesn’t answer him right away. “I’ve been thinking - about why I’m here.”

“Do you know?” Guanlin looks at him confused until Dongho clears his throat to explain more clearly for him. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“I’m here to do better.” His explanation is simple enough and despite himself, Dongho can’t help but roll a mocking sort of smile into his lips as he nods along encouragingly so that Guanlin’s not scared to elaborate. “I want to be the best, hyung. At everything!”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Guanlin is intrigued, eyes sparkling and approaching his face as if coming closer will make his dreams come true. “It’s hard to be the best. But you know what’s easy?” Guanlin shakes his head and from afar, Dongho can hear Minki groan even louder – silently begging them to shut up so that he can get some sleep. “Little goals. Like - today - I want to become a better dancer at Nayana during the second verse.”

Guanlin takes his time thinking through the words and Dongho’s about to turn away from him when the younger boy taps his shoulders again. “Did you do it, hyung?”

Dongho turns to look at him again from under his arm. “Do what, Guanlin?”

“Become a better dancer during Nayana’s second verse?” Guanlin’s question is so innocent that it makes his heart freeze like it’s been caught unaware.

His thoughts drift backwards through the day – to Kahi’s impenetrable gaze absent of tears, to Jonghyun who feels like a stranger at this point and then to Guanlin who is sitting here looking to him for guidance like a fool.

How is he supposed to tell Guanlin he didn’t even do that today? How is he supposed to look at him and confirm that he’s a deadbeat?

And then in a flash that’s almost surreal - Lee Daehwi’s angry eyes surge to the forefront of his mind.  “No - I didn’t – but we have tomorrow right?”

This is the most positivity anyone has heard from his mouth lately but Dongho can't help but feel like he has to be positive for Guanlin. He's vaguely aware of Minki laughing to himself and Jonghyun shifting in his bed which is about as much acknowledgement as Dongho's going to be getting from him for the duration of this show.

“There’s always tomorrow.” Guanlin’s smile is infectious and Dongho finds his head shifting up and down encouragingly. The boy pats his shoulders like he’s actually been trying to comfort him this whole time.

Suddenly, it’s a lot easier to believe that maybe tomorrow he will accomplish his little dream.

When his eyes close this time, sleep promises to come to his side.

 

 

 

 

In Dongho’s opinion - the rerankings could have gone much worse. 

Minki’s gone to F with Guanlin. That’s pretty shit. That’s the bad part.

Dongho’s not sure what happened but he’s pretty sure the buckled gaze of Kim Jonghyun watching the Nu’est center’s every move may have had something to do with it. 

Jonghyun is after all Minki’s weakness – or rather – disappointing Jonghyun is Minki's weakness. Now that he thinks about it. Dongho’s not surprised. Minki is Nu’est’s most popular member and to have to prove himself on a stage built for an audience to judge him with Kim Jonghyun’s demanding expression as a side dish - well the whole thing may have been too much for him.

In fact, most of Minki's performance was haphazardly faltered through because Minki didn't really see this as performance. He saw it as a test, and Minki hated tests.  

It wasn’t that long ago that all of them were in school. Dongho remembers it like yesterday - Minki would come home shrieking, Seungcheol and Jonghyun would run to pre-cursor diva to stop him from ripping up his exams and he would point and laugh from the couch while complaining about dinner.

Much later, when he’d finally shown up in their lives, Minhyun made sure Minki actually studied and never wanted to do that again. Hell in the end, Choi Minki graduated with honors.

That is the problem with Jonghyun’s plan.

They’ve been together for so long now that they don’t even know how to function without each other. Or well - at least the three of them don't really know how to do that. Jonghyun's pretty capable of functioning alone. He flourishes in his own loneliness and the burdens he's taken upon himself.

Dongho’s sure that the only reason he wasn't instantly catapulted to A class as the gods intended is because for some reason unbeknownst to him – Kim Jonghyun doesn't like to sing.

So as wonderful as Jonghyun is - with all his dedication to dancing and rapping – Nayana has no room for rappers. He’s been booted to a commendable B status in the game. 

As for himself  – well he’s done just about as well as he thought he would.

Over the past few days, like he’d promised to Guanlin, he’d worked hard at managing the clumsiness of his motions, jumping at the right time. So when the time for his evaluation came – he performed just as intended but at a lower than average level because he’s just not a jumpy, excitable, person –

But he can sing – and his voice is decent enough for someone in that judgment room to take pity on him and keep him in D.

He’d like to believe it’s Kahi noona.

So overall - everything went okay - or so he thought.

Because right now just as Jonghyun is preparing to move up to the B class, Minhyun has walked in with a few other trainees and almost rebelliously plopped himself down right beside him.  

To say he's shocked is an understatement. Somehow that idiot has taken his precious gifted grade of C to the toilet so he can come make D class even more of a pity party than it already is.

“What happened?” Jonghyun urges quickly, breaking his own rule of limiting communication as soon as he sees Minhyun walk in.

Then again, Dongho marvels, it is Minhyun. Perhaps, this rule of Jonghyun's never really applied to him.

“I’m sorry.” Minhyun mutters, gaze shamefully turned downwards.

Jonghyun hisses like he’s the one who has been inflicted with the pain of Minhyun’s fall. “How is that apology supposed to be good enough? You might not get any time on screen now.” 

From beside him, Dongho feels Minhyun’s legs tense before his friend turns to look at their leader, an equal measure of anger flashing in his eyes. “I understand you’re upset but I can’t just turn it off, Jonghyun. I’m not a machine like you.”  

Jonghyun’s lips shrink into a thin, stern line before he spins on his heels and heads for B.

“Wasn’t that a little too real?” He mumbles quiet enough that he hopes the cameras won't catch it. Minhyun shrugs wordlessly against him, fingers dancing on the floor in distraction.

Minhyun always does pointless bullshit when he’s trying to forget about something. “He’s angry because he asked me specifically to stop helping the other kids.”

“Should you really be considered capable enough to help people? And didn’t you call yourself a level C visual? So what does this mean? Did someone downgrade you?”

“Should you be considered capable of shutting your face?” At least, he’s smiling now. Minhyun always smiles once they start teasing each other. “I guess it’s just you and me then? Reunited and it feels so good?”

“Reunited cause we understood.” Dongho harmonizes easily, leaning his head against the wall. Inevitably, even if he is a little piece of shit, Hwang Minhyun's mere presence calms him.

“Could be worse.” Minhyun’s lips are rolled inwards as he shrugs to answer Dongho’s unsaid question of what actually happened to get him down here. “One of the kids fainted before my tape - it rattled me enough that I forgot most of the back half choreo and pretty much squeaked out the entire song.”

“You squeak out every song though –“ He’s hit on his shoulder and it only makes him smile wider. In Dongho's honest opinion, this story is absurdly funny. It’s such a Minhyun thing to do – fail for someone else when there’s absolutely no need to do so. “We were explicitly told not to go crazy making friends- we’re not here for that. Now, you’re going to have to eat the shit food bentos they have for our level and go to take a crap after A and B and C – and let me tell you someone up there has a real colon full of – ”

“You’re one to talk.” Minhyun bumps his shoulders lightly as Dongho rubs his exhausted face.

“My shit smells like roses.”

“Well roses like to think their shit don’t stink.” Minhyun wiggles his eyebrows.

“But lean a little bit closer please – roses really smell like oooh ooh –“ The fact they’re both singing Roses by Outkast in the middle of the D Class evaluation has a boy who has come over from C with Minhyun stare at them with a sad, desolate expression. “Who’s that?” Dongho whispers softly.

“That’s Longguo – doesn’t talk much -  his friend was supposed to be here in D and I actually think Longguo did bad on purpose so he could come down here. Which sucks because I think the kid left the show?” Minhyun laughs at Longguo's fortune which is quite sadistic but also quite like Minhyun. “Why want to make friends with him? You made friends with that little CUBE kid right? Is he still here?”

“Guanlin went to F with Minki – likely he's pretty happy he gets to join his label mate.” 

“Jonghyun says you’re speaking more Mandarin than Korean nowadays – you know if any of that airs it doesn't matter right. Chinese fans can’t vote.”

“First of all, Guanlin is Taiwanese. So really - it would impact Taiwanese fans - who also - can't really vote.” Dongho sees Minhyun’s knowing smile and groans. “Okay - he reminds me of Jason and Kyulkyung. Guanlin’s so young and alone here! I can’t help it - he needs friends! He talked to me first! Actually to that point - Longguo looks depressed – we can’t let him stay like that. He’s probably crazy homesick right now and his only friend left the show.” Minhyun continues to look at him once again all too pointedly and he groans. “Come on! It’s not like it was with them – I know I’m in a contest, okay? I'll self-preserve -”

Minhyun clears his throat. “Hey man - just don’t go falling in love with one of them and we’re fine –“

Dongho colours pointedly, clapping a quick hand over Minhyun’s mouth. “I’m not that stupid anymore so can you please shut _**your** _ big fat trap? God – it’s totally going to suck having you here isn’t it?”

Minhyun snickers at him too openly for his liking. “Could be better.” His voice is muffled but the tone clearly dictates he's given up against embarrassing him.

As he drops his hand from Minhyun's face, Dongho can't help but grow a smile of his own because at least now – he doesn’t really feel alone. “Could be worse.”

 

 

 

 

The dance battle the next day yields interesting results.

“Bet you 10,000 won – Eunki and Jung Jung –“ Minhyun looks at him with the most disinterested expression on his face.

“First of all – is that even a bet – secondly – what is wrong with your face?”

“This is my new face. Do you like it?” Unable to make any expression with his face, Minhyun just moves it closer and farther from him repeatedly which really shouldn't make him laugh but as always Hwang Minhyun has a special talent for being a fool.

“No. It’s uglier. I mean you’re already ugly so – like – don’t do this to yourself Minhyun – I need you to get votes so I look like I have a smaller face in the final group.” Minhyun does not move his expression but he does move his hips to hit Dongho in his side.

“Takes an uggo to know an uggo. Stop laughing. You’ll make me laugh. Choi Yoojung is so cute I might die if I don’t smile at her – and I’m trying very hard to keep JR happy right now which means looking like a dead fish.” 

The sea of trainees battling for the title of 'Dancing King' prove a decent enough distraction for both of them. Surprisingly, Minhyun's cold expression does not shift off his face. He must be getting better at acting.

Thankfully, once Eunki is announced as the dancing king, a rush of trainees head down to collaborate and dance to IOI’s Very Very Very and Dongho is happy when Minhyun doesn't immediately jump at the opportunity to go do the same so they can sit on the quickly emptying benches together. “We’re not going down right?”

“Nope. This feels very high school – us in the bleachers,” Minhyun comments as Jisung runs downstairs towards the dance floor. “Popular kids on the dance floor.”

“Jisung is popular.” Longguo comments from beside them, sighing heavily as he looks to the ground with a misery that rivals Dongho’s own so strongly that even the Nu’est main vocal is forced to put a hand on Longguo’s back.

“You should go dance Longguo – look a little flashy or something -“

“Why would I do that?” Longguo calls out weakly. “It’s so full down there anyways – and I don’t think I can get any attention away from - whatever that is –“ Longguo points vaguely towards a collection of A Kids.

Dongho immediately bursts out laughing because he’s not exactly sure what it is that Lee Daehwi is trying to do but it looks like belly dancing and Kim Samuel is trying his best to copy albeit to a more unsuccessful measure. “Dude - can we tape this and send it to the other kids?”

“Alas – we are not allowed to do that. Seungcheol would probably post it on his instagram and start saying captions like #myboy, #daddysoproud - which would then lead to the company having to deal with daddy comments and we know how that does with the PR team.” Minhyun responds as emotionless as ever as he turns to Longguo. “Longguo – please go save Jisung from himself.” Longguo does not respond to him as Minhyun shrugs. “Okay. I will go save Jisung from himself.”

“Fighting!” Dongho cheers a fist in the air.

Minhyun turns to him with the same fist in the air mimicked comically with his flat tone. “Fighting.”

The silence that remains between the depressed bored trainee and himself festers until Dongho is forced to clear his throat awkwardly. “So – do you know where Eunki is?”

“Why?” Longguo responds weakly, not quite suspiciously but not quite with the intention to actually relay information to him which is fair. They don't really know each other very well.

“We should get him to go try and figure out what the prize is for being given the Dancing King title right?”

“Do you really want to know where he is that badly?” Longguo gestures towards Dongho’s bottom left where Justin is sitting all alone and Dongho’s eyebrows jump up to the air.

“Seriously?” He squeaks as he looks around them. That’s ridiculous! It’s practically open space, there's cameras all around - are they crazy!?

“Hey man – no one tells me anything. I just see what I see and hear what I hear - which I believe was 'meet me in the washroom' about ten minutes ago?”

Dongho clears his throat, eyebrows raised as he leans over to Longguo’s ears. “Guess, we can’t go then.”

When he shifts back, Dongho becomes instantly aware that Longguo is judging him. “Go where? Together? Dude -”

“Heavens, no! It was a joke! I meant we can’t go – separately - to the washroom – because – it’s – in use?” Now that he has to explain this, the humor is kind of lost and it looks like he's hitting on him which is probably a very bad thing because Longguo has turned to look at him with the same expression Minhyun has on today. Except on Minhyun – Dongho knows it's fake. On Longguo – it looks a little too real. “Bad joke? Not interested?”

“Just – bad in general Kang Dongho-ssi. Bad in general.”

Is there anything he’s good at in Produce101?

 

 

 

The center selection process happens the next day and it’s fairly uneventful. The people who do well do well, the people who crash and burn are surprising.

Samuel does a very good job of hyping up the crowd and Dongho almost feels like it’s a guarantee he’ll get the center position until someone else, swallowed up by the size of his pink sweater, walks on stage.

Dongho leans forward, it's his second time seeing Daehwi perform and he does it in the exact same strange way. Right before he starts, Daehwi's expression is somber and so unlike the character embodies when he's putting on a show – almost like he’s saving every volt and amp in his frame to electrify his audience. He's cool, calm and collected with not a hair out of place.

When Daehwi literally remixes Pick Me with Nayana – Dongho knows it’s over. The other A trainees all danced to show off their skills. It was smart but that sort of talent show only worked to a certain level.

BoA, the staff and even the other trainees have cracked their facades to laugh and sing along with Daehwi's energetic push to get them engaged. Despite himself, Dongho even finds himself cracking a smile at the little kid on stage more than once.

“He’s cute, huh?” Minhyun remarks and Dongho clears his throat shaking his head.

“Actually – he’s the one who asked me if Bumzu autotunes me so – I don’t really see him that way. But I guess when he’s on stage – he’s good at acting.” Minhyun turns to look at him shocked as Dongho looks back at him confused. “What?”

“Nothing – just – you’re out there making friends with the little CUBE boys and everyone here in D but you can’t move past your bias for that kid saying something to you?” Minhyun shrugs. “Dongho - I'm worried you're becoming a bitter old man.”

“I hate you. You are so rude.” He leans back, hands raised of their own accord to clap as Daehwi raises his arms to get everyone to sound out the motion with him. He spins and twirls with a grin so wide and bright that everyone in the room is forced to recognize that yes - this kid is going to be their seasons titular center.

“You’re voting for him, though. Right?”

“Hey – is my vote going to make a difference?” Dongho snickers. “I’ll vote for Samuel. “

“Bitter old man.” Minhyun singsongs.

“I miss you being emotionless – can we go back to that?”

“We’re compromising – I’ll do both and confuse everyone watching at home. Which one is the real Minhyun!? Minhyun 1? Minhyun 2? OR SECRETLY - Minhyun 3?” Minhyun cheers as Dongho hits him over the head because likely Jonghyun would not appreciate that level of real Minhyun making it's way to the studio. “Besides voting for Samuel makes us look biased.”

Psht - rules - he’s going to vote for Samuel, anyways. Samuel feels like the underdog and Dongho always supports underdogs, especially when they’re little kids he’s seen rise up from squeaky voiced idiots to – something that actually resembles the star he wants to look like one day.

Besides, Daehwi’s already good chance at being a finalist has been perfectly confirmed with his anointance as everyone’s center after that performance.

He finds his hands faltering when the time to vote comes, despite his insistence to not consider Daehwi. Undoubtedly, it takes a lot of courage for Daehwi to go up on stage, be unapologetically himself and then make everyone fall to his feet.

Which prompts Dongho to feel like Lee Daehwi isn’t scared of anything.

At least that’s what it looks like and he wonders what that even feels like because almost every moment in his life has been plagued with some sort of fear.

The fear that he’d fail is a big one that has always been around since far before his time with Nu’est.

The fear that he’d let his parents down has been there since their Japan debacle and when accompanied by the thought of losing them – this fear has, on more than one occasion, swallowed up his entire mind.

Nowadays, he’s mostly scared of losing the only people who keep him sane – though this is his second chance to keep them around. He should guard it carefully.

In the end, Daehwi wins - which is probably best.

(Dongho voted for him, albeit reluctantly).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day - I will update LI - and that day I will cry.

**Author's Note:**

> I have an honest to goodness serious question for you all - 
> 
> I will delve into the scenes I want to delve into for FI - but if there's specific Baek scenes you want included in Baek's POV let me knowww - I will write them out so you can see what Baek was thinking on the other end of Daehwi's impression of LI.
> 
> Also this was edited - as always - late at night - so if you notice anything wrong (and there may be a lot wrong with this one- PLZ let me know)
> 
> and also i have a twitter in case you want to spaz out about march 8 comeback with me <3 ([lillith_evans](https://twitter.com/lillith_evans))


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